So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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