He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
