I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
