4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am available for nakedness
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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