At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
