I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
