His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
