i wish starbucks made bloody marys
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
