You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
