she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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