I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
