my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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