he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
