haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
