i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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