found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
