I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
