Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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