Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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