There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
