Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
