The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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