I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
two words: eviction party
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
