i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
