Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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