True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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