Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
