I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him