if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.