she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You need a sexual gate keeper
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!