You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.