Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.