So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its not stalking. its research.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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