if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
