Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She needs sedatives and a leash
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
