My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize