Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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