Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
