Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Randomize
