you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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