u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
