his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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