help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
