he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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