did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
