I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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