dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
