I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
