I wish I could teleport
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
