If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize