I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
