At least make sure they are 18
Why
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
