Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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