If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
