Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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