piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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