Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
never play flip cup with pint glasses
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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