She's JV to your varsity
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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