why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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