Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
