After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
