Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
