Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
