you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
